Tuesday, 21 May 2013
Tears and tantrums..erm that's me and not the kids
Whilst having children does (or should) make you a more responsible adult, it can, at times, make you regress and unleash the inner child in you. Sometimes in a good way, I can quite easily believe that our sofa is actually a car or a boat. I am an excellent guest at Olivia's tea party for her dolls and have spent a lot of money buying food from Beau's corner shop.
Yet, there are times when you have to remind yourself that you are the more advanced of the two parties involved and there are certain childish traits that you should just not follow.
I have definitely learnt that kids are more clever than we adults think, they have this amazing ability without much thought to bring us down to their level and behave in ways that are normally reserved for them.
Me and friend were also talking recently about her relationship with her daughter who is three and a bit and she confessed that she felt like the confrontations that she had were her were almost on a childlike level, there was no rationality to them and that it was more like playground behaviour than a mother trying to control her child. I then got on my high horse and told her that she needed to be the mum and not the child and all that sanctimonious rubbish that people say when they don't experience the same thing - but folks there is karma........
Today, I spent over an hour with the kids making cards with animals on hat you then rolled up tissue paper and stuck all over..see below for the evidence.
It was a lovely hour, the kids sat calmly and attentively whilst I dabbed on glue and told them where to stick (although Beau got bored half way through and went off to play wit his train) So me and Olivia soldiered on together to create what I thought was two cute and rather intricate pieces of art. Now obviously I accept that I was far too caught up in my creative ego and really it was just a bit of tissue stuck on card, but at the time I was feeling all warm and cosy in the fact that me and my daughter had created a "masterpiece" together.
So you can imagine my shock and despair when 30 mins later I found Olivia sat on the floor tearing off all the pieces of tissue that we had so delicately and precisely been applying. My friends I have to tell you that I almost burst into tears, I was speechless. In that moment you could actually say I spat my dummy. I actually wanted to stamp my feet, cry and say "that's not fair". For that moment my brain had been re-wired to that of my child's. I really wanted to have a tantrum, to sit and sulk in a corner with my arms crossed and my bottom lip sticking out.
And I did sulk, not in a corner, but I refused to talk to Olivia and told her to go away and not talk to me, which I would often do to my mum and dad whenever I had one of my little paddy's as a child. Stomping away with a proper exaggerated step to emphasise how angry I was. Oh my lord!!
Poor Olivia, she apologised without me having to say anything and then she spent the next 20 mins trying to make me laugh and all I could do was mope and moan about how she had ruined everything and dramatically exclaimed how upset mummy was. Of course, 10 mins later I felt a bit silly, why did it matter so much and why had I behaved so childishly?
I guess sometimes the responsibility of being a parent can just become a little too much and like a child, we become a little sensitive and want to kick out, scream and wail. The difference between us and our children is that we have a conscience and beat ourselves up for this occasional loss of control. For them, they have a tantrum, bit of a cry and a few minutes later it's forgotten. For us, the responsible ones, we then spend the next few days chastising ourselves about how bad a parent we have been.
Of course we can't always be the perfect parents and I have come to realise that I should not feel guilty when it comes to getting cross with the kids, I fully believe that if there is a child in this world that never misbehaves or pisses off their their parents then they are either Pinocchio and wooden or have been bound and gagged and locked in a cellar!!
It's ok to break out of the mummy/daddy role from time to time, but just remember, kids are highly observant and receptive, they learn and react from you and your behaviour. Yet most importantly, always ensure above all else that your child knows that they are loved and cherished. When you do that the rewards are always worth the tears and the tantrums that you and them sometimes endure.